Six Months of Silence — and Then He Reached Out

A few months after my devastating breakup, I decided that I needed to go completely no-contact with my ex-partner in an effort to heal and move on.

Almost everything I had read about no-contact presented it as a method to get your ex back, as removing yourself from their lives would help them realize what they are missing. At first, I was tempted by this notion but realized that no-contact had to be for me and me only. After all, I was now my number one and had to treat myself accordingly.

Six months went by with no word from him and no attempt from my part in contacting him. It was a hard six months as two close family members of mine had been diagnosed with cancer, I had started a job and finished my education. I longed to discuss these things with him, longed to have the comfort of his words melt away my pain, longed for the ghost of my relationship past.

Never the less, I persisted in letting him go. I turned to friends for comfort in my sorrows, for help in celebrating my achievements, and to help carry the burdens in life. I never imagined I would hear from him again.

I was on my very first work trip, in Austin for the world's largest creative conference. I reveled in this new adventure, being in my home state on “official” business and learning new things.

On the very last day, at the very last track that we would be attending, I felt my phone vibrate in my lap. I picked it up, expecting it to be a message from my father who was traveling to Austin to drive me to my hometown for a visit before I returned to Norway.

Instead, I saw the name of the man who broke my heart pop up on my screen for the first time in six months. My pulse instantly quickened, and my hearing became muffled as I stared at his name. I didn't dare to open it right away as I didn't know what it held, and I didn't want to become visibly upset in front of my colleagues who were sitting right next to me.

I hurried back to the Airbnb, gathered up the courage to open the message. Was it what I had hoped for since that fateful day in May? That he was ready to come back and make amends for hurting me? What could he possibly have to say after all this time of not speaking?

I sat down on my bed and opened What's App. I recalled the thought experiment of Schrodinger's Cat, and considered this message to both bear the intent I was hoping for and to be disappointing.

Somehow, it fell somewhere in between.

Staying true to how he acted in our time together, he conveyed a message that presented itself as very confusing.

He wanted to reach out to me to tell me he had heard of my recent achievements and wanted to congratulate me, that he was proud of me and wishing me well.

It was hard to wrap my mind around why he felt compelled to tell me that after breaking things off so abruptly and hurting me in the process. Was this an attempt to alleviate his guilt? Was he trying to open communication channels again to start something new?

My mind spun with possibilities and I had no idea how to answer him as I didn't know the intent behind him reaching out.

A few days later, I became extremely ill. My stomach cramped and I was in pain, so wrought with nausea that I couldn't move without the fear of vomiting. My dad took me to urgent care where I was diagnosed with the stomach flu and a kidney infection. The doctor was perplexed as to how I could be so sick with these two illnesses at once. She asked if I had experienced any recent stress, and I sheepishly told her that my ex had unexpectedly reached out, thus leaving me in shock.

She prescribed me a round of antibiotics for the kidney infection and advised me to get rest, both for my body and mind, as my anxiety could end up getting the better of me, worsening the state of my immune system.

It took me a while for my body and heart to recover. The stress and the heartbreak had threatened to take over my health once more and I was forced to take a step back from it all, leaving the message he sent me unanswered.

When I got back to Norway, I had decided to answer him properly. Deciding that he was kind in reaching out and he didn't necessarily deserve absolute silence from my part.

I thanked him for his kind words and wished him well.

Then the next day, I decided I had more to say to him as I was angry and the curiosity of what his true intentions were, drove me crazy. We had a chat over facetime, our first face to face interaction in months. I told him exactly how I felt, asked him his intentions.

He replied to me that it came from a pure place in his heart, that he still cared about me deeply and was truly happy for me and my recent successes. But, nothing further than that.

I was devastated all over again, as the small hope I had in my heart became irrelevant. I had to accept the reality of things once more.

That conversation didn't end well for the both of us as it was clear there was still some hurt to be felt and dealt with on my part.

Now, a year and a half after our breakup, I am healed. I wish I could go back and hug my former self, tell her it'll be alright. Tell her to put love and trust in herself and everything will work out just fine.

I know my former partner truly meant what he said and let it flow from a pure place in his heart, and I commend his vulnerability for daring to share that with me, but I wished he would have waited a bit longer to send that message. When we met up in person to have the talk we should have had, I had nothing but gratitude in my heart for him. We left things on a better note than the last time, bringing peace to us both.

Sometimes, getting what you wish for doesn't turn out the way you had envisioned. I did no-contact for my benefit, but that didn't stop me from hoping he would reach out, even though I never really expected him to. When he eventually did, I had built up this expectation of a romantic reunion in my heart and was crushed when that didn't reveal itself to be the reality of the situation.

It was just another lesson in letting go of him even more. Of letting go of what I thought would be of us.